Went wakeboarding yesterday morning, hoping to iron out some moves and banish some painful thoughts. Didn’t do too well and got hell from Jem (the driver). He has been scolding me for the longest of time (most of the time for my own good, although sometimes I think he just do it to get the kick out of it), but this time it felt much worse than any other time.

 

I just couldn’t land my jumps properly. He got real pissed and shouted across the water, “if you are scared, don’t wakeboard!!”. Sigh… I’ve never felt so close to tears before. Even though I knew his intentions, it still hurt like hell. Anyway, I just kept telling myself to be positive, to try again and again till I get it right. Even though I still didn’t get it, I know there’ll be another day to try again.

 

When I took a break, he told me that he doesn’t understand why I’m always trying so hard, trying to be perfect and why I’m always thinking. I wonder how much of what he said is linked to what I am like in real life. In trying, sometimes, we hurt ourselves more than we know. I have much to learn…

 

Some comforting parts, he said he’ll teach me how to do a backroll some time. Good, I’ve been wanting to learn that.

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